


In the Eye of the Beholder

by Toringo



Series: And The Void Stares Back [1]
Category: HLVRAI - Fandom, Half Life VR But The AI Is Self Aware
Genre: Alien Benrey, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Different First Meeting, Basically au in which BM experiments on Benrey and Gordon is pulled into it too, Benrey is Not Okay even more, Blood and Gore, Body Horror, Choking, Dehumanization, Eldritch Benrey, Electrocution, Eye Horror, Gags, Gen, Gordon is Not Okay, Gordon is operating on Benrey, Gordon's wife and Joshua are mentioned but unimportant, Heavy Angst, Homophobic Language, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Medical Inaccuracies, Nausea, Needles, Neither of them likes it, Non-Consensual Drug Use, Pre-Canon, Psychological Horror, Scopophobia, Temporary Character Death, They're not even ocs tbh they're just needed there, Unethical Experimentation, Unethical Medicine, Vivisection, background OCs - Freeform, syringes, there is so many changes it's not canon compliant at all
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-05
Updated: 2020-09-05
Packaged: 2021-03-06 22:35:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,716
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26296534
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Toringo/pseuds/Toringo
Summary: Gordon fiddled with the scalpel he held in his gloved hands, finally letting himself look at the thing again. And it looked back, just for a while before ignoring him completely. Its eyes were wide open and wild; jumping from one side of the room to another as if looking for the way out. Gordon took a step back, feeling his whole body tremble. It wasn't right - it couldn't be. The scars, their unmoving body- it wasn't breathing! It wasn't! But its shoulders twisted just as its legs, trashing against the table. High-pitched wheeze escaped its glowing throat, only muted by the metal device that kept the alien's mouth closed. It seemed to choke on its breath, pale skin of its neck and cheeks flushed with unnatural colors.Gordon was really excited about his new job. Well, he isn't anymore.
Relationships: Benrey & Gordon Freeman
Series: And The Void Stares Back [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1910659
Comments: 7
Kudos: 83





	In the Eye of the Beholder

The day he met _them_ for the first time he was excited. Newly employed at Black Mesa, hopeful - people said he was brimming with potential! He worked himself dry trying to get a degree in theoretical physics as well as medicine and there he was, his efforts finally appreciated.   
How could he refuse when the very month he got there he was already meant to perform a world-changing task? Yes, it was an autopsy and the thought of it made him weak with nausea even considering his education - but making a difference was worth getting his hands dirty with alien guts. He read the file he got over and over, preparing himself - Object B3-N437.   
It was an intelligent life form, but for all that he knew its intelligence wasn't any higher than one of an extraordinarily clever chimpanzee.   
  
It still was weird that they chose him for such a job without any explanation, giving him only vague information on his new subject and still keeping him in the dark for the most part.   
_Isn't that suspicious that they hired you on the spot and gave you this job in such a short time?_ \- something in his mind whispered treacherously.   
He shook his head popping his anxiety pills; it was dead anyway, it didn't matter _what_ exactly it was, and he shouldn't look the gift horse in the mouth after all.   
  
With that in mind, he entered a tram leading to the lab complex, almost buzzing with both stress and excitement. His wife liked to say that someday he's going to win a Nobel prize, it was a funny thought but still a very thrilling one, if not unrealistic - this day was a first big step towards success. Gordon forced a smile; he was just on time - not a minute too late (this time), he was as confident as he could be and ready to change the World.   
  
It all passed quite quickly - getting hazard suit on (in case B3's intestines were more dangerous than expected), exchanging information with his coworkers, and finally entering the Operating theater - it passed quickly but when he finally was there it was as if the time froze. Gordon was the last to enter the room and as soon as he did he could smell the heavy, sweet stench of blood. It was similar to the odor of human rot he was used to from his internships but much sweeter and slick - he couldn't really explain it. It was as if the smell slithered into his nostrils and settled on his face like a swarm of flies. He wasted no time getting his headpiece on. Others were fully suited already too, he's noticed.   
  
Someone patted his back and he almost jumped; it was awfully quiet in there - only numbing clicking of machinery sounding in the back of his consciousness - so the sudden contact made him lose his cool.   
  
"You'll get used to it," the older scientist said, keeping the hand firmly on his back. "It's not a glorious task but you'll grow indifferent to it." looking at the covered decaying corpse he wasn't sure he wanted to.   
  
"Yeah" he answered anyway, not wanting to seem rude. He tried to keep professional - not showing a sign of doubt, as he knew it would make him look unprepared - so when they uncovered the body he sucked in a breath and kept silent. He didn't expect it to look... so human.   
It _wasn't_ human - he was aware. But its face and silhouette made it similar enough, even though it seemed to lack some parts and looked twisted in others. Like some unholy amalgamation of mammal, insect, amphibian, and something entirely else that only made it more unnerving. But it didn't matter as its face was undoubtedly human in shape, although covered in a thick layer of tangled hair - greasy with sweat and what he could only assume to be blood. It would be easier to identify its body if not for all the restrains - on its limbs, throat, forehead tail, and- oh it was gagged. The sight alone made it harder for him to breathe.   
  
"These... are quite excessive aren't they? The restrains..." he choked out a weak laugh.   
  
"Oh, I can assure you - they're quite necessary! It's a fighting type, this one!" Someone chuckled typing something on one of the computers in the corner of the room.   
  
"It's _dead_." Gordon frowned in concern. "I don't see the point in... all of this." He gesticulated widely, throwing his hands in the direction of the alien.   
  
"Oh, you're full of energy it seems! Keep it up, you'll need it in a while." His words were ignored. "And I'd the advice to be... quieter. Loud noises aggravate it."   
  
Were they fucking with him? Sure - he was young and perhaps inexperienced, but the mocking was quite unnecessary. While others were getting the instruments ready for the procedure, Gordon took his time to study the creature. Its eyes were closed, muscles relaxed. It was scarred all over: from the, by the look of it, self-inflicted, scratches on its arms and thighs to the medical scars - precise and clean, pale with time. But something that really caught his attention was a long ugly and purple Y-shaped shade going from their collarbones right to the swollen abdomen.   
  
"You-you didn't tell me that... that you-" he tried to find the right words. "You operated on it already - the dissection..." the young scientist accused.   
  
"You didn't know? Ah, it seems our supervisor didn't deem this knowledge... a necessity for you." One of the older men - he needed to learn their names soon, but it was last of his worries at the moment - mused awkwardly. "Well, it doesn't change anything after all!"   
  
"Doesn't change- **why** am I here if you already performed the task!" He let his fist fall on the table, ignoring the fact that he hit the subject by doing this.   
  
"Hey, hey - be a little gentler, won't you? Don't want it to wake up." That made him stop.   
  
"Excuse you?" Before the man could reply, someone else took voice:   
  
"We should get started." Ah, true. It was time to work, so he was not getting answers anytime soon.   
  
Gordon fiddled with the scalpel he held in his gloved hands, finally letting himself look at the thing again. And it _looked back_ , just for a while before ignoring him completely. Its eyes were wide open and wild; jumping from one side of the room to another as if looking for the way out. Gordon took a step back, feeling his whole body tremble. It wasn't right - it couldn't be. The scars, their unmoving body- it wasn't breathing! It wasn't! But its shoulders twisted just as its legs, trashing against the table. High-pitched wheeze escaped its glowing throat, only muted by the metal device that kept the alien's mouth closed. It seemed to choke on its breath, pale skin of its neck and cheeks flushed with unnatural colors.   
  
"Fuck- calm it down before it kicks the bucket _again_." Someone threw casually - as if it was a normal, mundane occurrence - and with that, another person took out the syringe and filled it with some dark fluid that Gordon could only presume to be sedative.   
  
"Opium," the talkative guy from before explained. "Always calms it down, for some time at least." And it was right - its pupils narrowed rapidly as its body returned to its previous motionless state. The only difference was - these slim pupils were now focused on him.   
  
"Don't worry!" His hands went loose; he almost let the scalpel slip out of them. "It can't hurt you, probably wouldn't do that even if it was free. You're just a new face, it gets curious."   
  
_Curious his ass_ , it was following his every step. And how would it know he was new? It didn't really see him behind the helmet, and from what he knew - wasn't intelligent enough to recognize someone when they had their head covered (maybe it was his voice, he considered). No matter how human it looked, it was just a simple-minded animal, right? _Right_ , he nodded to himself, taking a deep breath.   
  
"So, we're starting or what?"   
  
"That's the spirit, Freeman!" Somehow, hearing his name grounded him. Right. He was between his people. They respected him and he needed to keep it that way - he needed to get it right. Not act like a- like a pansy, his father called him. He was a grown man; he couldn't just let himself be frightened like a first grader scared to cut a fucking frog. With that thought in mind, he finally proceeded with his job, trying his best to ignore the muffled noises coming from the creature's mouth.   
  
"So, f-for how lo-long-" Fuck, calm down Freeman, you only need to get it open - he thought. It's not even that hard - can't be hard with the fresh wound on its torso. Reopening the wound was tedious but easy, blade cutting the flesh with no problem. He felt ill. He didn't even need to apply that much pressure - _it was like cutting paper_. But the paper didn't move under your hands and didn't have eyes that floated feverishly, clouded and puffy begging you to stop **please stop** \-   
  
Gordon looked down. Its blood was dark, at least he thought it was blood, its consistency was way off.   
  
"For how long is it here, now?" He managed to say.   
  
"At Black Mesa?" He nodded. "Would be two years already." Two years? "It was small when we caught it."   
  
"... a- immature?" Was he operating on something that wasn't even fully grown?   
  
"No, no! Don't get me wrong, this specimen here may be older than we all put together! It just has... specific abilities that we'd like to understand. One of them is changing its form." That was a very... nondescriptive explanation, but it brought him some form of relief. His senior continued. "It seems B3 changes its shape with emotion."   
  
"Shapeshifting?" He suggested. Something under him spasmed. Did he cut too deep? No, he was sure he hit no bone.   
  
"It's a general term but - yes. Shapeshifting." The scientist offered him a smile and went to prepare another syringe, not done talking. "But it would be problematic if it kept changing forms, the results of experimentation would change with it. So we tried to find a way to stop it from 'shifting'. The electric collar was a simplistic idea, but sometimes these are the best. Works like a charm!"   
  
Gordon didn't want to ask any more questions.   
  
The rest of the procedure passed in relative silence- nothing distracting the scientists besides the low hum of machines and soft pleading noises the alien let out when the blade sliced it too quickly. Gordon tried to be gentle even though it wasn't intelligent... he pitied the creature- he wouldn't hurt a dog, and it was no different - it was only human decency to make the process as painless as possible.   
  
"That would be it, now to the fun part," his coworker said dryly, no matter how much more of the experience they all had over him - pulling the cut skin to the sides was not pleasant to anyone, especially their... patient. Piercing it with fucking hooks to keep the guts open was even more unpleasant. Freeman ignored the way the color pulsed through their veins - it was no time for interpreting this. Instead, he redirected his attention to B3's organs, and that was something that he could never expect.   
  
"Holy fuck..." Gordon could only laugh. "What the fuck is this? Some- some motherfucking Cthulu bullshit-"   
  
He knew Xenian creatures were weird- inhuman, savage, and like nothing else ever seen by men - but he was pretty sure none of them was built like that. Organs shouldn't be slick and black, oozing with tar; shouldn't slither in slow pace tangling and curling and tying around the ribs- and definitely shouldn't have _dozens and dozens of dark, unblinking eyes_.   
  
"That's nasty." The computer guy from before made a little gagging noise, it got Gordon a little irritated. It was he who needed to look at this shit. But yes, nasty was one word for it.   
  
"What... what now?" He swallowed, having no idea what to do with the thing he saw.   
  
"Now! Now we're taking fresh samples."   
  
"Fucker isn't easy to work on, whatever its guts are - they don't take our atmosphere well." It made sense in its weird nonsensical way. Gordon regretted taking this job.   
  
"Don't you just stand around!" The older scientist clapped loudly. "Work awaits!"   
  
After a few minutes, he had to admit - 'taking samples' was much worse than the earlier procedure. He was really glad they had forced him into the hazard suit, the gloves were thick and tough, but he still could imagine the feeling of its intestines slipping and tying around his wrist when he worked around them. The eyes sticking out of them sometimes moved against the sharper parts of the suit, which cut them, making them spill out of the 'sockets.'   
His seniors explained what exactly had to be done and he complied, trying to ignore the creature's judgemental stare. But how could he when it was staring form all around? It was like... like its glare wasn't coming only from its body.   
  
Something in his mind told him that lurking in the dark there was **more**. He felt like the void stretched and stretched, and there was nothing but **them**. Uncountable amounts of eyes in every shape and size; all just as dark, as the void itself - and all fully focused on him.   
Its silent message was simple: _I will remember you_.   
On the contrary, he wanted to forget.   
  
"Well, that would be all!" He felt someone pat his back yet again. And...   
  
"What?"   
  
"You should get the suit off, hit the showers, and eat something. I'm sure you're tired."   
  
Gordon nodded numbly, not really comprehending what the other scientist was talking about. Was it really done? Did he just drift out in the middle of an operation? And... no one noticed anything? He looked down at his hand - they were still covered in disgusting black ooze, the blackness was dripping on the floor covering it in the dark, dark matter which grew and _grew wider till the end of the_ \-   
  
Gordon looked away, his eyes landing on the alien's face. It was peaceful this time around. It wasn't struggling. It wasn't moving at all, actually. And the numb beeping noises, that sounded from the back of the room, were now replaced by a longer, higher one.   
Ah, now it was dead. _Fucking finally_ , there was a moment of relief. He didn't know if he could take its presence for much longer. He wanted to go home; to hug his son and kiss his wife, and be done with all that crap. He never wanted to see that thing again. How could he even look at it? His hands were covered in its blood, and it was screaming in his mind so loudly that - indeed, it would remember him.   
He feared what that could mean for him. He felt like he was on its platter - constantly looked at, naked before its eyes and eyes and **eyes** \-   
  
B3 - whatever it was - was a fucking freak of nature. And humans are terrified of what they don't understand. He didn't understand - couldn't. Didn't even want to. If he tried to he would have to think of what he's done. How it squirmed under his touch and begged with its fucking eyes-   
  
Gordon didn't even notice as he left the room. Didn't notice as he took off the suit, didn't notice as he passed by the showers ignoring the cold sweat building on his temples, making his face wet with not only his bitter tears. The Black Mesa corridors seemed darker that night, the lamps unusually pale. When he let his eyelids fall for more than a second he could feel something. And when he finally went home he didn't tell his wife how his day was. He didn't kiss her or hug Joshua goodnight.  
  
That night he laid curled up on the sofa, watching some mindnumbing tv-series and he wouldn't dare to close his eyes. Because if he would - something else would open its own.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey! If you think I should add some warnings please let me know! Thank you and I hope you enjoyed the story anyway!


End file.
